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Monday, August 10, 2009

What Lies Beneath

I was invited to a pool party this past weekend for a friend's birthday. And being that there is nothing I would rather do right now than get into a bathing suit at 8 1/2 months pregnant, I accepted. As I am talking to my sister, who was also invited, she began telling me about the woes of getting into a bathing suit right now because her stomach 'is like, so huge' and she is going to have to hold it in the whole time. I try to pretend that I have sympathy for her but really I am wanting to just sit on her. So as she continues her speech about how hard it is to be 5 pounds overweight she says this to me, "All of the girls going to the pool party have said that they are going to try and get a lounge chair beside you so they will feel skinny in their swimsuit." Gasp.

Now listen, I get it. I am 8 1/2 months pregnant; I now have cankles, cellulite in places I didn't think were possible, and currently walk with a limp thanks to baby Rinks resting comfortably on my sciatic nerve (more on that later). But beneath all that- buried under the 28 added pounds of water, amniotic fluid, and cellulite- is a raging Skinny Bitch that is screaming, "Awe Naw girl, you done went and did it now!" (As it turns out, my inner Skinny Bitch has the dialect of an inner city Latina) And she is kicking ass and taking names of all who cross her while plotting revenge in the form of P90X and Dr. Atkins, and when she emerges ladies, prepare to scatter your lounge chairs!

5 comments:

Kellie Berry said...

you are a mess!!! can't wait to meet that little man!!

Susanb said...

Haaaa! You continue to crack me up!! I feel your pain and I am not expecting a baby..bless your heart.. I do not understand why people say what they do to pregnant women.. Your posts make me giggle all day..Hang in there...

Brent said...

Dana gave me the 411 on your blog, and I am already hooked. I will add it to my "blogstalking" folder on my web browser!

Brent

Beth Morgan said...

Girl that inner skinny bitch will find her way out! It will be worth the cellulite and cankles once little Rinks gets here :).

I however will miss your pregnancy angst.

Katie Cordell said...

Mandi...I love reading your posts...and thanks so much for so boldly saying what all the rest of not so bold pregnant ladies would like to say. I'm going to have to add you my blog list because I miss out on some of your post since I don't have you directly listed on my "roll". Hey...congrats by the way and I can't wait to hear about baby Rinks.

Katie