Team Cougar

So how old does he technically have to be in order for me not to qualify as an all out pedophile?

Geez.

Rebel without a Clue

Much like Sarah Palin, Ashley has gone Rogue on me. Back in the good ole' days I would shop for Ashley and he never bucked the system. He mindlessly put on anything that I bought him (which was usually likened to that of Justin Timberlake) and wore it without any complaint. He got a personal shopper out of the deal, and I got to dress him up like my own real life Ken doll- it was a win/win for all involved. Now, however, he has decided to have a fashion mind of his own and is RUINING my secret agenda of turning him into David Beckham (to which I can then lose 95 pounds and turn into Posh). Take Exhibit A: Yesterday I bring home a perfectly trendforward Flannel shirt that is so popular right now (see my inspiration below) and instead of just putting the damn thing on, he snubs it, and says he wants his style to be Classic, not trendy. Really?? Where is he getting these outlandish ideas? And when will I ever get my Ken Doll back?!? Now my master plan to get him in a Fedora will NEVER work. Sigh.

P.S.- Speaking of Going Rogue, will someone please send the memo to Levi Johnston that the subscribers of PlayGirl... aren't actually girls?? Somebody lied to him. Gross.

They Grow up so fast...

It's official, my child is a Genius. He made his first Thanksgiving turkey today in day school... actually it is more like a chicken nugget... and he may have been asleep when they handprinted him, but still... not bad for an 11 week old. Like I said, genius. ;) Here it is, along with a pic of him on picture day! Ha!

Picture Day!

The Parking Lot Chronicles

Funny things happen when you are sitting in the back of a Kohl's parking lot while pumping breastmilk- yes, this is what my life has succomb to. Since there is nothing to do but look out the window at the goings-on around you, that is what I did... and then I made up stories in my mind to go with what I observed. Behold how my sick mind works:

To my right, a middle-aged woman is cramming a candy bar in her mouth while subconciously looking around at voyers (a.k.a.- me), I suspect she is a closet eater and has food hidden in such places as her floor mat, panty drawer, and probably an urn on her mantle that she tells people holds the remains of her dead cat- who just died and has contributed to her emotional eating- and is now logging her 6th candy bar for the day only to bury the guilt by shopping... for shoes.

The couple to my left is sitting in the man's car while the woman's car is parked beside them which can only mean they are having an ilicit affair and these secret lovers are sharing their forbidden love... where else, the Kohl's parking lot, which is probably where they first met while he was looking for a nice suit and she was picking out a tie for her husband. The Shame of it all!

The man in front of me is vigorously cleaning the doors of his car with a Kleenex. Weird. This can only mean that he has just committed murder and is cleaning the evidence before strolling into Kohl's to buy a bedsheet to roll the body up in, which is more than likely in his trunk.

Meanwhile, I have my boob out in plain view with a suction cup attached to me looking like the prize cow at a county fair. So I ask you, who's the real sicko here?

Anyway, here is the latest picture of my little prize cow... ;)

(admit it, for a split second you thought you were about to see a picture of my boob didn't you?)

I'm kind of a big deal...

I am now writing for At Home Tennessee Magazine! I have my first article in the November issue called "Balancing Act" about a home rennovation done by Baylor Bone Interiors. Check it out!!

I'm goin' all Vegan on your ass...

Ok seriously. Those who know me know that I have a huge passion for animals- all animals. Once, in college, I even tried to save the mice that were LIVING IN MY MATTRESS by trapping them and setting them free into the wild of my backyard. (I agree, it was a little extreme, even for me) Nevertheless, I have come upon new and disturbing knowledge about our food supply (the meat industry) and the horrible path it has veered off of in recent years. This information came from Jonathan Safran Foer's new book "Eating Animals" researching Factory Farming in America in which 99% of our animals (beef, chicken, and pork) are harvested. It's un-natural and making us, and the earth, very sick. You can learn more information at http://www.eatinganimals.com/ or http://www.farmforward.com/. It doesn't mean that everyone should become a Vegan (although after reading you will be tempted) but rather encourages the masses to demand a more humane way of treating the animals that we eat, that ultimately sacrifice their lives for our food, and respect them the way they should be respected. One way to do this is to buy from your local farmer's markets, or go to http://www.localharvest.org/ to find out where fresh meat and dairy are in your local area- grown by local farmers who are doing it the right way. I just feel so passionate about this because the meat industry continues to get away with this because it is not in the public eye, and if we do not do something about it, the abuse will continue and ultimately come back to haunt us (as it has already started to do in our health). So pass this info along to everyone you know, and let's all start making a difference one by one.

Three things...

1.) Really, Lady Ga-Ga, really? There are no words.

2.) I am positive that my arm is bigger than Kelly Ripa's gimp leg. Seriously, is she 12?

3.) This is going to be me if I don't get off my lazy ass.