Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Terminator

"I think you might be giving birth to the Terminator" Ashley says.

"What do you mean?" I ask as I slowly count down from 10 in order lower my skyrocketing blood pressure from thoughts of my latest confrontation with a perfect stranger.

"Well it just seems that you are a little feistier than usual since you have been pregnant." I can tell he is being careful with his words, which makes me want to hit him upside the head with my Route 44 Diet Coke.

"Well it just so happens that everyone I have encountered in the last 3 months has been a complete and total asshat, so sue me if I feel the need to call them out on it." Vengeance is mine!!

"You made a customer service rep cry." He says dryly, like it was my fault she was born in Kurdistan and couldn't speak English. Here's a tip: if you are calling Americans, know how to say at least 3 words in English. "And I thought you were going to end my life because I painted a room with the wrong paint" he continues.

"I wasn't going to end your life." Ok, so it crossed my mind, but I counted down from 500 and was fine, like, 4 hours later.

"I'm just saying, maybe you should think about taking it down a notch and try relaxing a bit." He says cautiously.

"Yeah, maybe you're right." I reply, while thinking of 6 ways to disembowel him for making such a ridiculous accusation. Call me crazy, but at that moment I could have swore I heard a slight voice coming from my midsection echoing "I'll be back."