Saturday, May 2, 2009


I am not afraid to tell you that not only have I been eating during this period of gestation (this is my new favorite word, I try to use it as least twice a day), but I have been grubbin' as the kids like to call it these days. And I found out today that I am not the only one who has been noticing my newfound Food Fun House... please follow along on this story I like to call "My Husband is a Bastard".

My sister is a skinny skankbag. She is 5'7 and weighs about a buck thirty and I hate her for this. So today while she and I and my husband were at lunch, I made a feeble attempt to put food in her mouth by buying her a sandwich filled with mayonnaise and cheese. Of course she takes 3 bites and declares she is full. Then the conversation followed like this:

Me: (eye roll) Dana, you have to eat more or you will weaken your immune sytem. Hello, Swine Flu?!?

Sis: I do eat, thank you very much. And besides, I take vitamins.

Me: Vitamins are not going to be enough, you have to eat food in order to keep your immune system strong.

Bastard Husband: (Looking at me) Well then your immune system must be strong as an Ox.

Me: (lots of glaring, lots of hissing noises... silence... more glaring, more hissing noises)